Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
