Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
