I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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