Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
