Joe is yelling at the trees again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
