dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
