she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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