Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
