She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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