Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
