Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the day after is always just damage control
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
