my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
