Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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