I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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