I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
