Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
