so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize