I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
