you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Operation Purity has been aborted
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
