my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
