Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
