i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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