i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
