are you so shy because you have an std?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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