Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
