dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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