hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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