During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize