I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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