how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
