Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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