He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
