I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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