We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
