Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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