He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
