Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
