He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
