please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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