Im at strip club and am horny
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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