Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
my poor anus
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
