Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
