Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
