fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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