oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize