Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I haven't been this sober since birth.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
