i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
