you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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