the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
