Yo dont text me then not text me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
