I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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