I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
the raccoons are back...
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