Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
