I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
