I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
