she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize