Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
