this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
