It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
