also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
