Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
