worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
