yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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