How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize