We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
