I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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