i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
