first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
