I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
