Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
