we have pet lesbian snakes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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