I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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