Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
