I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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