i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
