fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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