Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
