She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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