She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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