So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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