i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize