Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Randomize
