why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
