So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
