he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
