My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
