Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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