How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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