So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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