he told me I talked like a deaf person
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
