i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize