I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
