i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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