South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
