She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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