Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
