Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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