so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
