I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
