So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
