all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
