Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
