he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
