Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
