so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
