Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
