R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
