I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
