I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
