This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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