I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
