I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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