Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
