I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
