I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize