i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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