Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
